Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
