Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
