Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
