Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
