I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
