I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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