there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
