It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
