I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
