She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
