Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
worst night to have a conscience
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
