you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
