do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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