Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
