I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
