I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Houston, we have a blender
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
