you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize