It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
