Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
