Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
high people should be assigned attendants
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
