how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
