K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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