You're completely useless in the revolution.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
