The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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