I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
