There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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