haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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