they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
