im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
