im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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