Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
