he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Couch. On fire.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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