Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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