Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
