I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
