They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
