you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
