What did we do last night that was yellow?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
