I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize