My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
