Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
