He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize