So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
