She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
