last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
