he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
