You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
