but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
