trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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