dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
