You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm at about main and main street
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
