We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They took my balls.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
