my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
