that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
