Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize