Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
