mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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