Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
