I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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