Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cockslap morals
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
