i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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