remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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