PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
