it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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