a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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