so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
