remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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