Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize