My liver just broke up with me...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
