I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's always time for handjobs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
