ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
