Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize