My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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