I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
